


Coffee Q&A

by cherry_cordial



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherry_cordial/pseuds/cherry_cordial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU where Tilda has a very important request, Thranduil is not helpful - seriously stop it! and Bard learns that a shattering psyche sounds a lot like shattering ceramic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee Q&A

“Da?”

“Yes Tilda sweetheart?” Bard put the creamer back in the fridge and yawned, snatching up his cup of coffee before turning to look at his youngest.

“I was just wondering when you and Ada were going to have a baby?” Bard spit coffee out on the kitchen floor and gaped. “Gross Da!” Tilda grabbed a handful of paper towels and held them out to him. Bard accepted them absentmindedly; the majority of his mind was preoccupied wondering if he heard her correctly or if lack of coffee had caused him to hallucinate.

“Wh…why would you…baby?” he squeaked. Tilda rolled her eyes at him. 

“Yes. You and Ada having a baby.”

“We’re having a baby?” Bard whipped his head around to look at his fiancée. Thranduil lounged against the doorway _‘and really, how do you even lounge against a doorway?!?’_ Bard mused semi hysterically. 

“I want one.” Tilda informed her Ada matter-of-factly. Bard saw the blonde’s lips quirk up fractionally and busied himself with cleaning up the coffee. Since Thranduil thought this so amusing he could deal with it and spare Bard the trouble. Bard would worry about the tile floors. A more than fair trade.

“Indeed. What, may I ask, makes you think we can have one?” Bard shot him a look at his coolly amused tone. Thranduil gazed back at him. Anyone who didn’t know better would call that look serene. Bard knew it was more along the lines of _‘I’m judging you and your life choices so damn hard you don’t even know’._ Really, Bard should have known better than to let Thranduil deal with this.

“Da said when two people love each other and want to have a family together they have a baby.” Thranduil inclined his head in acknowledgement of this truth. Encouraged, Tilda continued “You love each other and we are becoming a family, so all that’s missing is a baby to make it official.”

“Well if we need to make it official…”

“Thran!” Bard stood up and glared at his future husband. The pure mischief in the blonde’s eyes made him pick up his coffee cup and took a fortifying gulp. He took a moment to mourn the fact the coffee wasn’t Irish before attempting damage control. “Tilda it’s true we’re merging households and becoming one big family. That’s a lot of change at once and seeing how we all fit together..”

“I want a new brother.” Apparently Tilda wouldn’t be swayed. Bard tried anyway.

“You just got Legolas.” Tilda looked at him in pity. Thranduil glared. Bard gave up.

“Must you phrase it that way? ‘You just got Legolas and you never play with him, he still has the price tag on, you don’t need a new one’ I mean, honestly!” Thranduil crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Bard in a way that told him he probably earned himself a night of sleeping in the bathtub. Again.

“Legalos is great, you know I love him” Thranduil sniffed as if to say _‘Of course you do, everyone does’_ “but I was thinking we need a baby that’s part of both of you.” Tilda had apparently given her Da up as a lost cause because she fixed a beseeching look solely on Thranduil. “With Da’s hair and your eyes. The baby will look like both of you and everyone who looks at it will see that you loved each other **so much you had to make a new life just to contain it!** A symbol of your marriage, a way to tie us all together by blood. A living embodiment of your love and devotion to each other and to us being together always.” Thranduil was looking touched by her words. Bard was wondering if he should sign her up for theater camp come summer.

Bard was taken out of his musing by suddenly finding himself with an armful of tall blonde. It took a moment to hold both his fiancée and his coffee but he managed not to drop either. Thranduil nuzzled into his neck, planting a soft kiss on it. “Our daughter is a genius” he murmured into Bard’s skin. “About the emotions of things. Seems a bit confused by the biological aspect.”

Bard pulled him up into a proper kiss. “She was five when she first asked where babies came from. What was I supposed to tell her?” Thranduil smirked and opened his mouth to reply but Tilda got there first.

“So – we’re agreed we need a baby. If you two could get on that, I’d appreciate it.”

It was a good thing Tilda couldn’t see Thranuil’s face. His smirk became downright filthy. “I assure you my dear; I am on it as much as possible.” He accompanied the words with a small thrust of hips. The shattering sound could have been Bard’s coffee cup slipping from his hand. It could have also have been his sanity.

**Author's Note:**

> Barduil has made me dust off writing skills that ain't seen the light of day since the first two seasons of Psych and I was all up on the Shassie bandwagon. I'm glad I don't have anyone I can call son so I don't have to admit to him I no longer know what I'm about. If you'd like to watch me flail about trying to dip my toes back into fandom writing - http://blueberry-bait.tumblr.com/ is where you can catch the train wreck.


End file.
